disintegrate

rate

i found this song and it reminded me of all the reasons why i fell in love with you in the first place and why i decided to take that leap of faith with u....

my heart achess and fills with crazehness...even when things seems impossible you find a way to come back to me.

this is a song that describes what i feel for you

thats why i love you

Because the way we kiss is better than any drug
because when I'm with you I believe in love
'cause you take chances most people would NEVER take
you go out on a limb and your not afraid to break
and it gives me faith
I thought I'd never find someone as crazy as myself
no matter what I've done
you always come when I cry for help

that's why I love you
and thats why I love you
there's no one in this world
anything like you
thats why I love you

because the times I hurt you always understand
because you cure me with the sweet touch of your hand
because your not afriad to come off like a fool
without trying baby you define the truth
and you make me laugh
I thought I'd never find someone
who can see through my eyes
u always know when I tell the truth and when I telling lies

and thats why I love you
thats why I love you
theres no one in this world
anything like you
thats why I love you
oh oh

no one and nothing baby
could ever tear us apart
lets stick together baby
nothing will hurt us

that's why I love you
that's why I love you
there's no one in this world
anything like you
that's why I love you
that's why I love you
that's why I love you
there's no one in this world
anything like you
that's why I love you

hrmm hrmmm the weekend is over and now its the beginning of the end!!..cant belive my last exam is on thursday and i officially am a graduate of Bedford High!!..GAA....so happy and relieveDD :). i guess il feel so ssad because i have to leave everyone here and not have someone to talk to till 2.30am abt random past stories . i couldnt sleep few nights ago and i just went into jojo's room and had the longest talk with her and vivian and joyce. it was fun, i never actually talked so much with them before but it was nice anyways. i am so obssessed with ashlee simpson songs at the moment from her new album!!!...especially one of the songs called cant have it all :) basically listened to it the whole weekend long..

i have two papers left!!!!..how crazehh is that??.im so excitedddd!!and HAPPYY..id probably start screaming and crying after im donee...just start jumping around like a mad foolll..hahaha..i dont care anywyas!!! :)...

eekkss...2more weeks till i see my FAMILYYYYY DARREN FRIENDSS!! awesomee ~~~...
eekkzzz....good luck for evryone else who still has papers to do.... :)

do u smell the stench of the end? :)

i had my chemistry exam today and it didnt go as bad as i had predicted?..but why do i feel so depressed and sad?..is it because i couldve have done better but not really because it was finee just wondering if it'll be good enough :(

i feel like im burning out and im sick of all of this shyt as it has been dragging for the longest time and now i feel so SAD and demotivatedd :( i dont even have anymore energy to start revising for my bio exam tomorrow it really suckss to have one week break in between each paper because it makes u feel like your slowlyyyy dying with each passing day. i really dont know what it is but im so stressedddd and unhappy :(

why oh why..do u have to keep popping back into my life time and time again. i dont need you to be here because i believe you should go back to where it is you came from...the past!

okie im justtt shouting to my myself and SCREAMING..7 BLOODY MORE DAYS BIYATCH!!

i miss him and it sucks to be so far away from everyone that matters.>=<

what does 6hrs hours of straight study and a lunch break in between do to you?..it makes u feel abit dazed , depressed and alittle hungry...i was trying really hard to push tthrough my 7hr mark but i couldnt as i uncontiously feell asleep on my bio text boook while i was in the library and after i woke up i didnt feel that great :(...so i decided to pack up and go homee!!! i think i definitely need the rest since my exam is tomorroww i guess i shouldn't use up all my brain cells just yet...but before going back i stopped over to costcutters to buy my energy drink(LUCOZADE)!!!! for tomorrow's exam. apparently it workss?..and i definitely will be needing a boost tomorrow because i have a 3 hour chem paper..oh dearie me...im praying for a miracle..

i do realise that all i have been blogging abt are my exams. and since this is a blog about my life. at the moment , my life revolves around my examss and YES its depressing!!!..10 more days people!!! :)... all i have to keep me going are all my collections of seriess..ive already finished watching ugly betty and greys and nowww im watching FRIENDS :)...I TELL you FRiends is freaking hilariouss!! i laugh so much esp season 7 and 8!! i dunno why but the humour just makes so much sense but yet not to obvious..its just one of those classics i guess. ok so i guess i am getting old when i start calling FRIENds Classics?????...somebody stop me !!!

i was just imagining about my friends and where will we all be when we turn 30!!! i wonder if by that i would have accomplished all of the thingss i had hope to have done by then .i bet some of us we'll even be married and all..my goodness!! it would be soo funny and yet scary!!.oh no ..i dont want to turn 30!!!..not even 20!!!!...maybe my reaction will be as dramatic as joey!!..hahaha...hopefully not as i hope to age gracefully??..ahahah what the heck..does that even happen..how can people except that one day they will be obsoletee..:(..but anyways tthis is a good time to say...

MAKE FULL USE OF YOUR TWENTIES CUZ UL NEVER LOOK THIS GOOD EVER AGAINN!!!!.......hahahaha

oh yeah that reminds me of the episode when rachel turns 30! then they showed parts of when everyone turns 30!! i think the funniest moment was when joey turned 30 and he was like SCREAming "WHY GODD??WHYYY?, i thought we had a DEAL???"..hahaha..it was freaking hilariouss!!.yeaaa yeaa..im easily entertained by the stupidity of joey TRIVIANI?. why am i bloggin so much?..its cus i have nuthing better to do because my only alternative is studying so yeah i chose this over that ...i just like typing and venting out all the frustrations that are bottling up. i just keep thinking about better days!!! days of summerr which i am ACHING for!!..its so close but yet so FARR..GAAA!!!

i love it how itss almst over :)

ps: have a safe flight SAF...and glad i got to say goodbye!!! Take care noww ..and i saw pic of you in ranoadidass!!!..aaha.AWW!!!!

fab.

i am walking on sunshine...more like running on it :)...time is pasing relatively fast and im sO excited eventhough that means im getting closer to my final examss :(..sniff sniff...i think i am prepared and though its not 100% i feel as though i am preparedddd ..im just trying every possible way to not start panicking because that didnt help during my last paper. something really scary happened last night here in dodgy old bedford but im still yet to confirm if it REALLY happenedd but cant believe there are druggies right outside my doorstep and i only find this out NOW..at least i have a few weeks left here so im not worried but im worried abt my juniors tho..hrmmzz..why is the world such a scary place?

mariam and i were being abit crazy just now , she randomly came into room and we just chatted for abitt..she stays right next to me so then goes back to her room then i hear her shouting out..VANESSA can u hear me??..i was like huh?.she was like shouting out from her window and i was like yeah i can hear u..so we started having a conversation with our heads sticking out the window then we looked down and we saidd oh maybe people down there could have conversations like this too but the moment i looked , one of the girls closed her window...hahahaha...and then i told mariam i think we are too loud..so we're like OK. and closed out window again..hahaha

i miss sunshine and shower of beautiful rain drops:)
everything is going to be ok as im not afraid anymore.
i let my heart go and hoping that you'll catch me when i fall
theres a difference..
when i smile , i smile wider when ur there
when i laugh, i laugh louder when ur there
...the sun is shining and how lucky am i to be blessed with such beautiful weather!!!

all i can im EXCITEDDD!!!!!!!!..

fab:)

im so in love with you..i want to scream it out on the rooftops :) your my one and only ..... one day we will set off into the sunset and realise that we've been in it all alongg ~~

A break from past papers i suppose :). well mechanics went ok i think..hopefully!!just that at one point i had a major panic attack which lead me to have a major blood rush to my head and basicallly sitting at the edge of seat!!..i think dr.pullen was abit worried as he kept looking at me when i was rushing through the last question. im not even sure why i thought i only had 5mins left !! that last question was THE BOMBB and now im afraid i may have misread it but im hoping i gget method marks as i had a 2 pages worth of workings..soo PLEASE!!! :(..sniff

ok so next exams is in 5dayss!! wahaha..oh yeass my beloved chemistry will be up and i am already worried..i keep hoping,praying and WISHING it wont be a massively bad paper as i am still aiming high and hopefully get an A!!!..oh yes very wishful thinkingg!! i guess i am an optimist =_=

ok so i made a NEW list:

1. HUG my parentsss and siblingsss and darren :)
2.get my hair cut cus it looks like i have "hermoine hair "..dammit!hahah
3. Drink teh tarik and kueh tiao and all the fabulousness of food in brunei :)
4.have a holiday with my family in thailand and then ausssiee...GA!!..surfs up?
5.work attachment at UBD
6. major bonding sessionss with annnn..and hopefullly shes be driving me around
7.bitch talks with bri bri..
8. get my driverssss..:)
9. watch endlesss tv and play tennis with my bro
10. go aerobicss with mummyy
11. tennis training in bandar and meet up with the teamm
12. movie marathonss in the cinema cus its damn cheap!
13. play golff with papa
14. endless evenings on the beach to watch the sunsets
15. maybe some sunrises tooo..
16. appreciating the heat(BRILLIANCE) of the sun without complaining
17.get a tan?..but not my baking myself but by playing TENNIS in the morning and swmming
18. jee juansss with my bro,leen and sistaa!!
19. spend time with my familyyyy...esp grandma and cousins
20.ENJOY being homeeee...:)

did u miss me?..were u thinking about me today??..

so here i am again i have failed to overcome the urge of blogging...ok that was lame!

ANYWAYS...i spent a whole week in a london and wanna know what i did?..i spent the whole weeek revising for chemistry!! damn i really hope i wil do well i have neglected my other subs which isnt so good but i am just extremely worried about my chemistry papers...oh pleasee!! now im have a massive panic attack because the site where i usually get my mark schemes isnt working..OH MY GOODNESS ...i know its seriously retarded that i feel like stabbing myself over mark schemes but for these 2 weekks it my life..well i have been waking really early lately at like 615 and going into school before 7 to go swimming its actually quite relaxing and i never realised it until now . Everyone isnt really going into school because we are having study leave so im the only over excited person that goes to school before the break of DAWN!!!...gosh i realy scare myself sometimes..and i realise i really dislike Sleepp big big waste of time if only i didnt have to then i would have so much done :)

i miss cathrin..shes back in germany because shes done with her IB! now im friendless ..i tend to just chat non-stop with her and now shes not a few doors down anymore..but all is good because i only have 4 weeks left in this place. to say that i will miss this place will be an overstatement because i dont think will but i will forver cherish the experience as i grew up so much while i was here!!..its basically my stepping stone to bigger and BETTER things :).. Darren left like a week ago and it feels like a year or sumthing..i miss him so much , i keep telling him il call every alternate day but i keep calling just cus i miss the sound of his voice. i was having such a bad headache when i got up this morning and i wanted to call him because every time i have a headache he talks crap which makes me laugh and in turn make me forget that i have a headache..:)..yea yeass..i miss him heell loads but i try not to think about it because i HAVE EXAMS~!!!!,,,goodness me..i cant believe its already here the last strech of my journey of high school ...i cant wait! i feel myself at the edge and im about to jump off..

i cant believe some of really close peeps are going to australia!!!..GAHH..oh why??..shouldve chosen to come here..:)..but anywyas i really all of you the best of luck with what your pursuing and i hope all that you hope the experience would be..will be..i shall miss all the familiar faces when i go back...its hard to grow up and really realising that everything has changed and nothing will ever be the same but i know whatevr it is..we are all capable of achving all the successes of the world with enough FAITH and motivation..dont be afraid to leave because just like what my dad told me before i left

" once the nestling is ready and strong to fly over the nest, the mummy and daddy bird will support it by watching it leave the nest with heavy hearts "

life isnt always beautiful , life isnt always nice...it hurts and screamss out confusion but with enough love and patience we'll make it together , hand in hand..

i guess im speaking from experience as i remember leaving brunei 2 years ago as i had my heart in my throat and the many moments i didnt want to leave and just hold on to something!! someone to say dont leave but i never told a soul because the decision was made and i had to be strong for myself and evryone around me. the biggest fear was that i made a mistake and didnt want to lead a life of regret. i felt so small and unsure in an unknown place not knowing anyone, but at least i knew myself and trusted in my strength as evrytime i felt alone i knew GOD was watching over me..

and it was when i finally left did i appreciate what i had back home. its funny how i wished so hard to escape and when i finally did i only realise how lucky i was. not evryone will have the same experience but for me it was a life lesson nothing beats family and home. i think the best thing about living away from home is growing independent and finding out for yourself what it is you want from your life as you learn and discover many new things, as well as the people that you meet along the way.

ok but anyways i watched ugly betty season 2..and oh my gooddnesss...i cried so much!!!!!!..when they showed hilda with santos i really thought he didnt die and in the end he actually did die and she was imagining it all :( :( :(...as i am typing this i can actually burst into tears!!! its just so sad as they were planning a life together and it took 10 years from him to come back and take responsibility and he has to go aand die..WHYYYYYYY :(..so sad..i know its just a series but its just a real position as i cant imagine losing someone that i planned to spen d the rest of my life with then he just isnt there anymore..so sad..I MISS DARREN

i talked to veenah that day and gosh i love that girl. we were talking non-stop for god knows how long like we always do to make things worse i forgot what we talked about most of the time.. :)i miss that crazy beeeyotch and itss scary how in-sync we are at timessss...cant believe so many peeps wont be there when i get back at least i have ANN to bug and annoy..wahahaha..oh yeah GOODLUCKK for your examsss :)

and now im going to back to studying because i will nver stop my stupid rambling but yeah..the mark scheme site just opened up and im ECSTATIC..

FAB:)